Posts Tagged With: life

Emotion Overload

This week has been one hell of an emotional roller coaster, let me tell you.

On Monday I saw my cousin Sam for the last time before she packed up everything she owned in her little yellow beetle and left for California. She’s the first one in my family (which isn’t big) to leave the state. I’m still a little uncertain about how I feel about the whole situation. On one hand, I saw her rarely when she lived less than 5 minutes from my house. I kept up with her mostly through Facebook and text, so that aspect of our relationship won’t change. But, I’m still sad to see her go. She’s one of the few [relatively] sane family members I have, and I won’t be able to drop in and see her every now and then. When she gets married and/or has kids will we be able to be there? Or will she be here? Or will I watch them grow through Facebook? My mom is quite bitter, even if she won’t admit it. She looks at it as “She chose to leave, so unless she comes back here I won’t ever see her again”. Where I’m like “cool, I could go to California and have a free place to stay!” She’s already promised me the couch if I want to come and visit…and I really think I’ll take her up on the offer. I’m a combination of sad and happy (for her and for the opportunity to go across country).

On Tuesday I had a follow up appointment with the surgeon who did my hair transplant. It will officially be 6 months on May 26th, but this follow-up was for pictures and just to check on my progress. I cried in my doctors office and in turn I made her cry. I’ve been seeing the progress and the hair growth over the last few months, and it’s given me hope and a new sense of comfort I had lost along the way. I haven’t been comfortable with bleaching my hair or lightening my hair for a very long time. I felt that my hair was way too thin to lighten it, especially since it would make it look thinner. I have been getting hair cuts once a month for the last 3 years, mainly because my hair would start to look thinner and stringy as time went on. For the first time in years I have highlights in my hair and I haven’t had a hair cut for 3 months (I did go and get it cut Saturday since I’m in a wedding this week). It’s just nice. I cry sometimes when I look at my hair, and I was extremely excited to go to the doctors office and show off my new found confidence. The nurse was wowing over it while she took my ‘after’ pictures and compared them to my ‘before’ pictures. The difference was insane. It has filled in SO nicely and it made me cry a little more. After that I went to see the actual doctor and she was saying that I made her week because it’s healed up and grown in a lot better than she thought it would have at 6 months. I still have about a year to go for all of it to grow in, but my scar looks FANTASTIC, almost invisible. My hair has grown enough that it’s blending in with the hair that was already there, and she said that she can’t tell new hair growth apart from the rest. Overall, she was extremely happy with my results. She told me that she loved the color I had gone with in my hair and I told her that she well and truly made my year/life. I told her that for the first time in years I felt like I could do something more with my hair. I cried, she cried, we hugged, and I was on my way out the door. The quickest, yet most satisfying doctor’s appointment I have ever gone to.

Today, Wednesday, I went with my cousin Amber to get our nails done. Amber is the only cousin I have that is my age, we’re only one month apart. Her wedding is on Saturday, and I’m one of her bridesmaids. We went out and just enjoyed a day spent together prepping for the festivities. I’ll be with her Friday to Saturday and I’m so excited and happy for her. Her fiance, soon-to-be husband, is by far the best boyfriend she’s ever had. I’m happy for them both, and at the same time I’m sad. We’re not little anymore. For about 4 years we didn’t speak to one another (stupid family bull when my grandmother passed away), and we missed out on a good portion of each others lives. But, with that being water under the bridge and in the past, I just can’t help but think about us as little kids celebrating new years eve and swearing up and down that we would live together in Salisbury, MD. We would go to college together, live together, and go to Ocean city regularly. Clearly, that didn’t happen, but it felt like a simpler time. We promised those things to each other before I lost a good chunk of family to cancer and suicide, and we were so innocent. Now, I’m old enough to know that we probably would have killed each other. But you know, it’s sad to know that we’re not little anymore, but exciting to see what the next chapter in our lives brings.

Halfway through the week and I’ve already cried a hundred times…jeeze I’ll be an emotional wreck by Saturday.

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