Growing up as the oldest child, I was always pushed to do better in school than my sisters. I was an A student all the way through high school. In college I’ve been an A/B student, and still that’s not so bad. My sisters, however, could get away with whatever the minimum was: You only need a D to pass – then D it is! My mom just accepted that the 3 of us were different people and that they may not excell the same way that I did. What sucks about the whole thing is that when I would get anything less than an A (B’s), my parents would freakout on me. It was acceptable.
When I went to college and received my first C, I almost had a panic attack. I felt like a straight failure. I failed one class in undergrad, and I just felt like my whole career was down the toilet. In grad school, I have been on the verge of panic every semester even though my GPA has been a steady 3.2 <- which isn’t bad by any means. However, I continuously feel like I am doing something wrong and that I will disappoint everyone because I’ll be a drop out.
Every mistake I make, maybe when I say the wrong word or pronounce something wrong, I ruminate on it for hours and I keep saying to myself “How could you be so stupid?”. Failure or mistakes are NOT ok in my book. But, the problem is that to err is human, right? We are all bound to make mistakes. It happens. It’s how you react to those mistakes that determines how far you’ll go. You have to make the mistake, reajdust your thinking, and try again.
I just wish that my parents would have accepted my mistakes, and told me that it was ok to make them every now and then. Maybe I wouldn’t beat up on myself like I do now.
The Daily Prompt for today is “Last But Not Least“:
In my imaginary awards acceptance speech, the very end would be “Last, and most importantly, I want to thank my mother”.
In truth, I have no idea what I would do without this woman. She is my biggest fan and supporter on so many levels, and she is my number one role model. My mom had children at a young age (17 & 19), she (along with my father) scraped up every penny they had and they made everything work. When I was young, we may not have had everything we wanted, but we had everything we needed – and that’s what matters. She took my cousin (someone I see as my little sister) in when her parents died (my mom’s brother and sister-in-law), and treated her as if she was her child – I don’t think many people are capable of doing that. She has always been a friend to me, but my mother first and foremost.
She is my hero and my role model, and I will say that until the day I die. I have always been, and always will be, a mommy’s girl.
Funny enough, I’ve never actually made a bucket list. I’ve lived through many deaths in my family, about 10 in total from the age of 11 to 17. I lost my grandparents within 4 days of each other, I lost an uncle to suicide, an aunt to cancer, another grandmother to cancer, and so on and so forth. We lost about three-fourths of my family. Maybe I didn’t create a bucket list because I no longer wanted to think about death? I just wanted to live? Well…I’m doing it now. And I should really live by it.
My Bucket List…
- Complete my Masters
- Work as a victims advocate
- Establish new victim’s rights laws/policies
- Go on a cruise – anywhere!
- Learn another language, preferably German
- Visit Ulm, Germany, where my grandfather was born
- Scuba Dive
- Go to Las Vegas
- Get away to New York or Paris Fashion Week
- Climb to the top of the Eiffel Tower
- And the Statue of Liberty
- See the Northern Lights
- Go back to Ireland and see the Cliffs of Moher and go to Galway
- Lose Weight
- Get into a dress less than a size 20…
- Fall in love (have yet to do this)
- Get married
- Have children
- Build a fort in the living room
- Learn to make exotic dishes/foods
- Play a game of messy twister (Oh yeah!)
- Tie messages to balloons and let them go
- If I ever work up the nerve…Sky dive.
- Go paintballing
- Go Camping
- Kiss some random guy
- Write and Publish a book
- Meet one of my favorite authors
- Meet a celebrity
- Go to Hollywood
- Move out of state for a few years
- Travel the world – anywhere, everywhere
- Spend a whole day watching old Disney movies
- Go to Disney Land (not Disney world, I’ve been there lol)
- Have a paint fight!
- Do this one Easter (Adults Only! Before you start, everyone has to drink a lot)
- Road trip across country (or anywhere)
- Watch the sunset and then watch the sun rise with someone I love
- Carve my name into a tree with someone
- Ride the London Eye
- Visit Buckingham Palace
- Take weird pictures with the Palace Guards
- Stay the night in a haunted inn, hotel, building…
- Disconnect from the internet or phone for a week
- Go to Oktoberfest in Munich
- Celebrate Mardi Gras in New Orleans!
- Take a picture a day for a year
- Start to journal/write every day
- See the statue of David in Italy
- See the Coliseum
- Visit a vineyard
- Be happy with myself
- Walk the Great Wall of China
- Visit every continent
- See a volcano
- Stand at the edge of the Grand Canyon
- Explore the Pyramids in Egypt
- Ride a Gondola
- Get another tattoo in a different country
- Visit Loch Ness
- Have a UFO experience … 🙂
- Find peace with religion
- Travel and stay in hostels
- Go to the airport and book the next flight to anywhere…be spontaneous with no plans
- Own a home
- See a Solar and/or Lunar Eclipse
- Send a message in a bottle
- Complete my Bucket List
I’m sure that’s not everything, haha.
Inspired by the Daily Post’s Daily Prompt
If you catch me on a Saturday night during the Fall or Spring Semester…I’m normally at home, on my laptop with a cup of hot tea. I may be working on a paper, or I may be procrastinating on said paper. I may be laying around with my cat or one of the dogs, talking to them like I’m having a full blown conversation (hey! they’re more like people than some of the humans I know). I typically have work the next morning, so I’m normally at home. During the semester, I really become a boring, old spinster. If it’s during the summer, I’m probably trying to catch up with friends who have moved on in the real world. Saturday’s are mostly relaxing. I’m not thinking about Monday – Friday yet because I still have a full day ahead of me.
If you catch me on a weekend where I’m celebrating my best friends birthday…then Saturday is all about recovery. Friday night was out of control. I don’t get to let go often, but we had been planning this night for several months, and I was ready for it. We went out, and danced the night away. Of course, the more alcohol that was consumed, the more bad decisions were made. There are a few things that I’m face-palming over today. But, for the most part, I’m recovering. My poor little foot was crushed by some 6’5″ Goliath who wasn’t paying any mind to the drunk midget on the dance floor. My knees hurt from dancing for 6 straight hours (an old injury from a car accident makes my knees hurt 10x as much as it would hurt). My stomach and my head are yelling at me and demanding that I never drink tequila again. I can count on 1 hand the number of nights that led to a day like today, but damn was it a good night.
Saturdays = Relaxation and most importantly Recovery……
This post was inspired by the Daily Post’s Daily Prompt